I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is the high leading the old right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize