idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
