Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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