We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize