fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
4 words: hood of his car
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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