At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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