Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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