Best friends brother. Beat that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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