I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was confusing and full of hummus
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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