You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
