Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
