tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
