You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
