Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
