'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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