I am puke
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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