I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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