xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
