Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
