i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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