what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
