somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize