Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
