my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
