shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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