After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
