Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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