May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
