The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
