im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
