so explain again why im purple
no
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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