After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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