So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
