life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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