the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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