I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
