i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
