Your mouth is God's brothel.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
