I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize