I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
