we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
