If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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