Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
