god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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