Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
