The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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