I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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