these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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