I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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