This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
