Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
