Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My room smells like vodka and shame
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
