not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
