I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
