Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
