I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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