Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
wow bdsm is so cute
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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