Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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