so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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