you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
