I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
