things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
