areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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