Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
