I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
