Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
