I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
