Where is the hickey?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
