On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need a beard to bite.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
