i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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