I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
