I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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