im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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