Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize