I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
