That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
