Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
