i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
