Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
