This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He better not be in your backpack
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
