singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
