Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
