I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize