we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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