the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
