the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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