if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
