I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And then he peed in my hair
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