"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
