hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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