swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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