I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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