This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i think i just lost a toe
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize