I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
