Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
