So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
