I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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