apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i out mim tonsoeep
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