She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize