brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
