i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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