i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
