Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
