the day after is always just damage control
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
