If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
