my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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