look no pants
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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